Number of the...Barf

Iron Maiden drummer and born-again Xtian, Nicko McBrain recently opened up a "rock & ribs" place in Coral Springs, Florida. Link/info courtesy of sport & sometimes music blog Can't Stop the Bleeding. More stuff http://rocknrollribs.com/

I suppose somebody in the 1980's had said: "dude, what if everything was Metal!? Like y'know...
cartoons
TV ads
shoes
cars
Christmas albums
school
college symposiums
news networks
neckties
and even fuckin' hot sauce! Then not only that but what if...I MEAN IF they could get Lars from Metallica, Dee Snider AND that dude from Anthrax to talk about Metal on TV-like all the time - it would be SO awesome!"

So, yep then they obviously predicted this weird-ass world we're in. All this "dood this is metal, too" stuff has become reality for better or worse. I'm sure people will be considering their Slayer hi-tops as "not cool" as some point. As for me...I still gotta sew on my Mercyful Fate patch on my denim jacket-I shit you not.

The How Did You Get Into...__ __ Metal

OK, I saw this list on Metal-Archives' forum, so not the most original idea but it's fun to do.

Hard Rock:
First Queen & KISS then AC/DC. But visually & sonically it's unquestionably Nazereth's "No Mean City" LP.

Heavy Metal:
First the Scorpions then to a small degree and much larger degree later on, Judas Priest& Sabbath but more so Iron Maiden circa: "Number of the Beast", mixed in with Ozzy, Dio, & Motorhead.

NWOBHM:
2nd Def Leppard album (+ all else BEFORE "Pyromania"- the demo, first EPs & the first LP), Saxon & Raven then Blitzkrieg, Diamond Head (via Metallica, Grim Reaper and a ton more later.

Power Metal - 80's style:
Exciter, Helloween, Running Wild, Savatage (up to "Power of the Night" and a little of "Hall of the Mountain King"), Nasty Savage, Heavy Load.

Progressive Metal:
Queensryche, Fates Warning (I avoided both bands after 1988 though), VoiVod - since I didn't get into 'em until "Nothingface". It's rare as fuck that I like anything in this realm nowadays.

Thrash Metal:
Slayer's "Show No Mercy" then about a month later "Kill 'Em All" by Metallica followed a another year later by Exodus' "Bonded by Blood" and the floodgates didn't end 'til mid-'87 when it started really sucking.

1st Wave Black Metal:
Mercyful Fate, Venom & Hellhammer/Celtic Frost + and many years later Bulldozer/Bathory/Destruction/Sodom & recently - Sarcofago

2nd Wave Black Metal:
Satyricon's "Mother North" then the usual of Emperor, Darkthrone (but really got them when they started adding punk in their sound and went back re-reading the interviews to show that they WEREN'T racists or nazis, quite the opposite, Immortal - especially "At the Heart of WInter". (Early) Mayhem & Marduk in recent years

Death Metal - 1st wave
Possessed - Seven Fucking Churches, a bit later Death's "Human",

Death Metal - 2nd wave
Morbid Angel, Entombed, Carcass, Atheist, Dismember, Deicide, Gorguts, Master (though technically they're in the first category).

Grindcore - 1st wave
Napalm Death, Repulsion probably these 2 more than anyone

Power-Violence
Bleeaarrrrrgh comp stuff, Spazz, Crossed Out,

Punk Rock:
Ramones and later The Damned (most of all UK bands), Sex Pistols - though I now think they're pretty half-assed vs. a lot of the better bands around then: Siouxie & The Banshees, The Damned, Chelsea, Buzzcocks & so on...

Crossover/Hardcore - 80's:
D.R.I. - Dealing With It, Crumbsuckers - "Life of Dreams", Bad Brains - s/t ROIR tape, English Dogs, Attitude Adjustment, C.O.C. Later on: The Accüsed, M.D.C., Rudimentary Peni, Subhumans (UK), DKs, Black Flag, and a million more.

Crust:
Amebix, Meanwhile, Skitsystem, Sunday Morning Einsteins, Ausgebombt, recently: Crude SS & World Burns to Death

Viking Metal - first inklings
Heavy Load (to some degree anyway), Yngwie's "I Am A Viking" (tho' I think that song's really pretty half-assed), 'Maiden's "Invasion/Invaders", Silver Mountain - "Vikings".

Viking Metal - 1990's-now
Unleashed, Enslaved - Momumesion then went backwards into the catalog especially "Eld" and "Frost", Unleashed, Falkenbach, Amon Amarth - up to a point they've started to grate on me lately but maybe it's just their marketing machine than the music.

The Cows - "Sexy Pee Story" Story

A rather epic review of demented damaged rawkers, The Cows 1993 LP "Sexy Pee Story" which is currently on display at in the halls of KZSU. This issue of the old zine [i]Your Flesh[/i] also includes a full-page slaggin of Glen Danzig's "Satan's Love Oaf Goes Orchestral" or really "Black Aria"-his classic/dark ambient album - which to this day I haven't heard. Having a roommate who's boyfriend sits in your apt all day - after you've come home from a long day of work only to hear "ah, dood I'm totally gonna win this Danzig MTV contest!" will put you off from every wanted hear him again. A random 7" by a random 90's neverheardof'ems called Flyer Saucers get this simple but funny review "Ralph Nader must've recalled their balls". Better is the review of a band, yes band called Paw. Paw was the target of well-deserved HATE. Namely because the fuckers had a scant 7" to their name, rarely if ever play outside Lawrence, KS (which was for 15 secs in 1993 "the next Seattle") and got signed to A&M. Here's some choice words from reviewer Bruce Adams:

"Paw may be the most glaring example of the absurdity to which the major label feeding frenzy has descended (does somebody at A&M really get paid to sign up this band ahead of proven entities? but it's no credit to the band's intelligence that they would sign p without having even toured nationally or seen how "the industry" work on the mist fundamental levels...Most bands want someone else to do everything for them before they finish their first rehearsal (shit, they think it's a God-given right) and this leaves them wide open to be fleeced...Oh yes, the music. paw work up a kind of slacker grunge that impresses mainly with its lethargy. Every song works up to a brief burst of wah wah and then float back down to an indifferent mumble. Somebody ought to left Herb Albert and his employees on to the fact that Nirvana had hit songs because Nirvana writes catchy songs. Paw sleep-walk through their lazy boned, a-dynamic numbers."

Other gems in this issue include an ad for the Peter Bagge/Dan Clowes double-header comic "Hate-Ball" comic tour. Got to witness it in Comic Relief in Berkeley they were both awesome dudes. Tho' the turn out could been much better considering they had their art on nearly every other Sub-Pop & garage rawk 7" out there. Plus ads for Nirvana "Incesticide", Jim Goad writing about growing up with 70's glam (one of his better pieces), some articles on new bands like Janitor Joe (awesome rumbly bass noise rawk on AmRep), Earth along with longer running acts: Sun City Girls, The Orb. [i]Your Flesh[/i] was full of content, wit, and little bullshit. They call 'em like they saw 'em. David Livingstone of God Bullies was one of the editors and some of the designers for Am Rep and other Minneapolis music/underground art connections. Conflict of interest with the Cows review? Maybe but still it was a damn good album by a helluva band.

Now for more Cows aka: stuff Empty Vee wouldn't touched with a 500 ft. pole:


Gotta love the "skin as t-shirt" designs on Shannon Selberg & his "hit by a semi horn.