Are You Damned In Hell?

"Satan Sitting...And He's Smiling" - Black Sabbath
"Satan Watches All Of Us, Smiles As Some Do His Bidding" - Slayer
"Now, Hail Satan! Yes, Hail Satan" - Mercyful Fate
"Satan Records Our Best Note" - Venom

While teaching/hosting KZSU's recent Metal S'Heshin (A History of Heavy Metal - 1968-85) one of my students asked me if I believed in Satan. My answer was "no" but I had also said that it's interesting yet highly outdated concept. What I forgot to mention is why I've come to that specific conclusion. On one hand, a guy with a pitchfork, horns on his his head and a tail isn't very threatening. (Well, maybe if he's 40 feet tall but let's keep things in perspective). However, living in a concentration camp sure as hell is. Having your relatives blow up by terrorists is. Having your kids taken away from you and drafted into a senseless war sure is. Living under a dictator is.
All these examples are pure hell.

More to the topic of this blog, I've seen far too many album covers, seen too many horror movies, read too many "satan-o-spoiltation" books and seen too many "satanic panic" topics on talk shows to ever believe in an all-encompassing "evil one". Having said that, my teen years were much different mindset. I experimented with the idea of Christianity. That is, I read the Bible or at least all of the references I found from my albums: Revelations in particular because it's so focused on the apocalypse and living "in the shadow of atomic fea-ah" (as Discharge would say) it made sense. Plus, I read bits of Exodus (still not as good reading as "Bonded By Blood"), Genesis (which still makes NO sense to me) and some random Proverbs. I went to church with my mom a few sporatic times. This was a pretty inclusive, liberal Presbyterian church in Pleasanton. They were pretty harmless. Boring but mostly harmless. My friend at the time, Danny on the other hand was a born again Christian. Who's like every other Born Again I would know, was a major hypocrite. In fact Danny was just like a certain Alferd E. Newman lookalike we all know and loathe There's an entire write up in the old print version of "Stoner Wall" but the snapshot is:

- Born Again Christian and Grandson of an Arkansas preacher
- Told me multiple times that I was "going to hell" for not knowing things in the Bible. I mean, not just saying it but threatingly saying it. That warped my 7 year old mind and pissed off my parents (who instantly hated him).
- His sister was friends with my high school's only real "mod" (and one of at least 4 not yet out of the closet gay guys)
- Had odd ideas about "devil rock" Rush, Blue Oyster Cult, Van Halen were OK but NOT: Iron Maiden, Ozzy/Black Sabbath, Dio, Slayer, et. al.
- Said he was never, ever gonna take drugs yet I got high plenty of times with him in '86 and the last time at the Metallica/Ozzy show @ The Cow Palace (June, 1986)
- His house had a big 'ol bloody Jesus nailed to a crucifix in the hallway - so obvious that they put it in the line of the door. So anytime they opened the door - it's "Hey you non-believing asshole - look what your sins did to me! It's ALL your fault! Now worship me you sorry bastard!"
- I later drove around Foothill Road (creepy, narrow road near our High School that went out into Sunol and more serene environs) with him, my friend Steve & Darren whilst listening to King Diamond while he was egged on by Steve in wanting to experience the urban legend of the "the white witch of Niles (Canyon), dood!"
- During his senior year in high school he came back from a weekend of "taking sooo much acid at the 'Dead show".
- While he hated "queers" and "niggers" yet seemed OK about his sister listening to Culture Club and also he his favorite athlete was Tony Dorsett and his favorite comedians were Bill Cosby and Eddie Murphy. Yep, just like that scene in "Do The Right Thing".
- He later told me that he thought "backwards masking was bullshit". So, for a short time there was a glimmer of hope albeit one still stained by his hypocritical gay bashing & racism.

My friend Chad was a counter-balance to Danny. He actually had a copy of "The Satanic Bible" AND "The Necromonicon" yet he believed in neither that or not much of Christianity either. He just had a facination with the occult and "the underworld". Since I wasn't much of a 'joiner' to these things I was certainly open to reading about it. "The Satanic Bible" was a bit of a hoot, I later understood LaVey's cyncism a bit better in college. Amusing but silly at times. The Necromoicon was something else. Albeit fantasy, myth or (if you believe the "Evil Dead") real? it was something evil yet beyond mere "satan" and "god". This was about the Ancient Ones and some bizarre life forces from thousands of years ago with crazy names like Yug-Soggoth. Sounds more evil that Lucifer.

Sometime in the spring of '85 I found a 4" crucifix in my backyard. I have no idea where it came from but I promptly hammered it up-upside down that is above my door. Admittedly it creeped me out and so the upside down position stayed for only 6 days. Hence my belief then in god, Jesus AND Satan seemed to all balance things out. So I flipped it to the "normal" position of toes downside Jesus. The Gideons (yes they actually exist) gave out Bibles at my school and I read more of Genesis and some stuff about Noah and the flood. (more impossibilities). The orange pocket bible had some intro page with an American flag on it. Which in my initial punk/"fuck the government" years I drew flames over then immediately ripped apart. I don't regret that decision.

In later years (1996 to be exact) I carried on a great tradition started by my Uncle. I was staying at a hotel in Austin, TX and found a Bible. In the first blank page I wrote "Best Wishes, The Authors" and also threw in "P.S. - It's all made up!" I think David Cross had it dead on when he said that the Bible was the funniest book ever written. Since really there is so many improbabilities such as the "loving god" hating Sodomities yet letting Lot procreate with his daughters?!? I suppose I don't need to list the litany of hypocrisy's of that book as there's plenty out there doing it for me.

Getting back to Satan, it wasn't only music that drew me to checking out the darkside. Comic books like Eerie, Creepy and even Ghost Rider warped my young mind. Around 1984, I took a road trip to Santa Cruz with my mom & her then boyfriend, Bob. One of the main stops was the Bookshop Santa Cruz. This was back when it had that real "homey" feel to it: wood panelling, windows that hadn't been washed in months, the occasional cobweb (or 5) and the bookstore cat. (Always a good sign). I looked through the sci-fi and horror section for a bit until a book popped out at me. It was Piers Anthony's "Faith of Tarot" which was part 3 of his "Tarot Sequence". Something about a Reverend named Brother Paul. I flipped through a few pages until I got to the vivid descriptions of hell. The sentence "shit in the mouth of God!" was in there somewhere and based on that and uh...this:

I knew I HAD to have this book. My mom didn't balk at it (always one to encourage reading, he-he!). Now I just eat satan er...seitan instead of being spooked by him.

Like A Camat From 'Da Sky!

From 1982-89 I was hugely into Pro Wrestling. In the Spring of 1982, Danny (yes, the same born-against Christian, Danny) told me about Georgia Championship Wrestling on WTBS. Over the next few weeks heschooled me on the "who's who" with names like Buzz Sawyer, Stan "The Lariat" Hansen and the Don "Magnificent" Muraco. Interestingly, Georgia Championship Wrestling was the highest rated show on WTBS in 1982. I left it behind the for awhile likely due to my BMX & growing metal obsessions. In 1984 & early 1985 I watched the World Wrestling Federation. Danny, Danny's dad & I went to see a WWF show at the Oakland Coliseum Arena. While we had nosebleed seats we could still make out some of the action between Sgt. Slaughter vs. the Iron Shiek. We also saw the high flying Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and the "inbred-freak" looking Moondogs. While I thought the WWF was good, I only watched it maybe every other week.

The Moondogs circa: 2003 with valet April


Sgt. Slaughter with ex-NWA/WCW jobber George South who now jobs for Jesus.

The clincher was in the Summer of '85. My friend Steve & I took a one day construction job in San Jose. We were responsible for cleaning out debris from a bunch of apartments. During lunch Steve told me about the wrestling show on WTBS. It was now called "World Championship Wrestling". He told me about guys like Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes and The Midnight Express. He gave me the scoop on all the story lines and who was the bad guy and who was the good guy. The next Saturday afternoon came around I watched and I was hooked. If Steve had to work or if I had guitar lessons that day we'd fill each other in on what happened. It wasn't long that were were even arguing who was cooler or tougher - Ric Flair or Dusty Rhodes

I became more of a casual fan in the early 90-mid 90's. I watched wrestling probably once a month. I was in the midst of college and work. I also discovered an amazing concept called "relations with girls". Besides, looking back the characters and story lines in this time mostly sucked. I went back to watching the WWF & WCW around 1997 until about 2002. In this era there were a few things that stuck out like "Stone Cold" Steve Austin whose "Texas badass" character was really cool for awhile. That is until his catch phrase became "What?". Literally the word "what". Who writes this shit? The Rock was also fun to watch. While his mic skills were always ace, but his moves like "The People's Elbow" were pretty lame.

Although, the best was watching the hour-long, no bullshit, Extreme Championship Wrestling on TNN. My roommate Michael & I watched it every Friday night. Shows ya what lives we had.

Getting back to the 1980's, one wrestler whose image I was obsessed with, Kevin "Prince of Darkness" Sullivan. Sullivan for many years was a mystery. I only knew about him from the proto-black metal looking photos and random Florida territory reports published in the magazines like Wrestling All-Stars and Pro Wrestling Illustrated. Sullivan's ex-wife Nancy appears in the first clip below as the young girl. In the mid-90's they split up and she married Chris Benoit. In recent months you've probably read about the tragic end of that relationship.

Kevin Sullivan's "awesome factor" was his combination of bizarre imagery and original, crazy mic skills. While his character was supposed to be a satanist he never mentioned satan or wore any satanic symbols. Was it because some born-again Florida nut job might want to kill him? Instead of the devil or hell he spoke about the "betel nut" and an obscure prophet named "Abbabuddahdeen". Pro Wrestling Illustrated listed him hailing from Singapore. While not as strange as "Parts Unknown", Singapore was likely thought of as a satanic paradise that was run by rotund guys with strong Boston accents.
True Floridian Black Metal Wrestling - None Shall Defy!

After working the Florida territory Sullivan showed up on the "World Championship Wrestling" show. One week he wore a Nasty Savage shirt. When I told Steve that it he said the previous week (that I missed) Sullivan wore a Mercyful Fate shirt. Soooo METAAAAL! Steve was in Nasty Savage's fan club. The band's frontman Nasty Ronnie was obsessed with wrestling AND he was in a killer metal band. So maybe we weren't dorks after all? Ronnie would later go into wrestling in the late 80s with a local Florida based organization. (IWF?)
This one went on my wall in '85

Here are 3 classic moments from the Prince of Darkness involving his feud with "Superstar" Billy Graham.

Part 1 shows Sullivan with his manager Sir Oliver Humperdink fighting Kendall Windham and Nancy Sullivan (aka: "Cindy Lou") and then turning on his tag team partner "Superstar" Billy Graham. Graham's biblical counterpoint is straight out of an Ed Wood movie. Classic!


Part 2 "I Yam In Ya Soul And Yam In Yah Haht"

Sullivan and Graham go "weirdo a weirdo" yet again.


Finally, look below for the 3rd part of this unholy trinity. Sullivan & King Curtis (along with horde o' evil) speak of a far travelling guru. Whereas, their opponents Blackjack Mulligan and Superstar Graham claim Sullivan is talking "backwards" and call out the "chairman of the board". (Sinatra?) Listen for Superstar's AMAZING "Armageddon Freestyle".

Unfortunately chapter 3 is a wash in "this no longer available". However, here's Sullivan's pre-Sunn O)) ritual. voice over by the late, great Sir Oliver Humperdink. Someone needs to mix in Beherit or Blasphemy of this.