Coolest/Weirdest Things I’ve Seen At Shows

1. Sept 8, 2001 - “The Groovemaster” moving through the crowd outside after Creation Is Crucifixion/Kalmex & The Riffmerchants/Critical Art Ensemble show @ AK Press. “Excuse me but can the Groovemaster please get though...the group of us parted like the Red Sea and the Master of all things Groove put on his “jam box” to some killer (and yes, groovy!) jazz-funk! That man is a legend in my mind. He should be the mayor of Oakland - “One City Under A Groove”! 


2. A weird wizard looking guy with big Santa Claus-ish bag @ ‘Maiden 1985 AND Ozzy 1986 at the Cow Palace shows – supposedly he was a HUGE acid dealer in the 80’s.


3. Legions of heshers throwing beer bottles in line during Iron Maiden/Twisted Sister show @ Cow Palace March 21, 1985. The heshers (& I) were behind a steel railing and throwing bottles – attempting to make it into a garbage can that was approx. 30 feet away. After about 40-45 tries one lucky guy sunk the shot with no, “backboard” or anything – just a perfect shot like a Larry Bird 3 pointer. The crowd errupted with a bunch of “Fuck Yeaaaaahs”! and “Wooooos!” The cops stopped it immediately after. Man, just like Dio said it was like broken glass you got caught before you see it. 


4. David Yow nearly landing on me and a lame ass stage diver falling on me during Therapy’s set when they were opening for Jesus Lizard/Helmet show @ Warfield April ‘93.


5. Earlier at the same show, I was interviewing the band Therapy? And hearing Helmet play BOC’s “Cities Of Flame (With Rock N’ Roll)” during soundcheck. Still regretting not taping that & bootleggin’ it.


6. Seeing and pushing back into the pit - a mosh-tress - a fully moshable/stage-dive-uponable matress at 924 Gilman circa: 2005 during Vitamin X. 


7. Seeing a giant vat of Capt’n Crunch Crunchberries backstage @ One Step Beyond in Feb ‘93 while interviewing the Melvins


8. The band Abstain playing under 1-2 small red lights giving them the look of the insert photos from Celtic Frost's Morbid Tales LP while me & another guy calling out names of pro wrestlers in between every song. 924 Gilman, January 1998


9. Some lame guy whining to Buzz from the Melvins near the end of their set @ One Step Beyond. “C’mmmoooonn! King Buzchzzzooo....We-REACH...C’mooonnn! We-Reach!” The curtain closing and then-bassist & known junkie, Lori saying “Stoo-pid!”


10. Poison Idea’s Jerry A breaking a tooth and cutting off their set. July ‘97 Bottom of the Hill


11. Every Slobber show – grass throwing, annoyed college students trying to study outdoors on Friday night, grass throwing, 40 oz. of root beer drinking, clown suits, cardboard John Wayne, rubber corpses, 


12. Having my ticket nearly melt in my hands while in line for Ratt/Fastway/Mama’s Boys, San Jose Civic, July 1984


13. A guy in a yeti suit moshing to Connoisseur in August 2011 at Gilman

14. Ditching my friend Steve’s jam box in the bushes while he & I thought about going to see local fluff rockers Air Raid, Pleasanton Civic Center, March, 1985.


15. A pool of blood and stale beer oozing on top of a ledge @ the Uptown in Minneapolis, 1993 after the Dumpster Juice show. 


16. Adam Vomit of The Toilet Boys clocking some dopey bro-down with his bass at the Cactus Club, San Jose 1998. 


17. A guy in an Oakland A's lucha libre mask moshing at 924 Gilman St., 2004. 


18. Some idiot turning on the fire prevention sprinklers @ One Step Beyond, Santa Clara, CA 1992 – Melvins show.


19. Watching cop car after cop car pass by on way back to Disposable Heroes of Hip-Hoprisy show April 1992, San Jose, CA only a day after the LA Riots began


20. Being called “Lil Lemmy” after talking to a girl after a High On Fire show in S.F. who had a   Motörhead patch on her jacket. Funny thing is I look nothing like Mr. Kilmeister but whatever, I'll take it as a compliment. 


21. Sleep playing an early version of Jerusalem while they opened for Hawkwind. A friend of mine went out to play 3 games of pool at the start of the song, came back and they were still playing. San Jose, Cactus Club, 1994. 

Ozzy! Ozzy! Ozzy!

My best friend in high school, Steve's nickname was "Ozzy. He's the one who memorized all the banter from "Speak ofthe Devil". "Does anyboddyeee remembah th' ol' Phill Maurice? Yeah Maaan Phil Maurice*- woo! We used to get shitfaced...with yew groupies!...Let's hava RIOOOOTTT!" (*vomits out strawberry soda*). Randy Rhodes was one of my fave guitarists then. I once was in Westwood (L.A. area) and my friend bought me this killer 8x10 pic of Randy. I put it up next to one of Randy that Steve gave me from the Day on the Green show in Oakland (4th July '81).

Steve making the "Ozzy Face" and me trying to avoid the camera - '88 yearbook. 

When my friends & I went to see him & Metallica on "Ultimate Sin" tour, the shithead stoners at school said they're going "to Metallica" even though they thought they were a "new band". My friend Danny's family were born-again Xtians but his mom was moving away from it and was OK with him going to the show. Tho' he had to keep it secret from his xtian/rascist fuckhead dad. My dad oddly enough almost prevented me from going. He was starting get involved in his (otherwise pretty liberal church) and believed that Tipper Gore was right about some of this "parental advisory" shit. He got pissed off at me putting the "Fuck Like A Beast" cover on my wall - so that's beginning of it. (Oh and...he was constantly pissed off at my hella punk rock sister). 


Anyway, I heard a lot of the singles from "Blizzard", "Diary" and "Bark" back then. I even had a full Ozzy wall in my room (and a 'Maiden wall) where Steve  would imitate every expression that Oz made (see pic above). The show was great. At the time I was burnt out on hearing about Metallica. Odd, sure but I was tired of all these dickwads that otherwisewould've hated them 2 years earlier. ("Fuck this, punk shit - put on Aerosmith!" I'm sure they'd say.) Metallica came on and they so fucking fast & heavy we COULDN'T deny how amazing they were. That and were quite stoned & tipsy from weed & wine in the parking lot earlier. 


Ozzy that night was iffy at best. The band sounded fine but his voice was cracking and here & there was fuckin' a lyric or two. Still, I got a shirt with Ozzy clapping alongside Jake E. Lee. I started losing interest around '87 when I was burning out on much of Hard Rock & Metal. Didn't even care when "No Rest" came out. Having a guitarist named Zakk Wylde in the height of glam-fluff excess didn't help either. That said, he worked with a ton of great musicians and made some great stuff that I always feel good coming back to.