Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Would you pay $1.25 for this?

My friend The Big Chief recently told me about some major CD scores he made at the Dollar Store. It's actually the $1.25 Store nowadays. Maybe the 25¢ extra pays for the poor schlubs that have to work there? Following Chief's sagely advice I went there yesterday afternoon. Among my many finds was a hard rock & metal compilation of disasters anxiously waiting to plague my ears. The order is song/artist/original artist.

1. Falling In Love - Marq Torien/George Lynch [Scorpions]
2. Welcome To The Jungle - Kevin DuBrow (Interface mix) [Guns n' Roses]
3. Rag Doll - Ted Nugent [Aerosmith]
4. Unchained - Jack Russell/Dweezil Zappa (KMFDM mix) [Van Halen]
5. Still Of The Night - Steve Grimmett Of Grim Reaper [Whitesnake]
6. I Want You To Want Me - Jani Lane [Cheap Trick]
7. Rock Brigade - Joe Leste [UFO]
8. No More Mr. Nice Guy - Roger Daltrey/Slash [Alice Cooper]
9. Iron Maiden - Paul Dianno ['Maiden]
10. Tie Your Mother Down - Lemmy/Ted Nugent (Die Krupps mix) [Queen]
11. Walk All Over You - Dee Snider/Scott Ian (Synical mix) [AC/DC]
12. Misty Mountain Hop - Taime Downe (Sigue Sigue Sputnik mix) [Led Zeppelin]
13. Live Wire - Steve Summers Of Pretty Boy Floyd (Die Krupps mix) [Motley Crue]
14. In League With Satan - Voi-Vod [Venom]
15. Creeping Death - Physical Attraction (Filter Section mix) [Metallica]

The good:

* Roger Daltry & Slash - I always thought Daltry & Alice Cooper's voices sounded kinda similar and this works rather well. Would be ever better if they did a video with some rockin' out Muppets.

* Di'anno - Naturally Di'anno aces a song he's been singing for most of his career. For all his bitching about getting booted from the band he knows that this is his bread & butter. Hardly anyone cares about his "pomp rock" album or Battlezone.

The not too bad:

* Marq Torien & George Lynch - I never thought I'd like anything associated with Bulletboys but this is decent. The vocals are pretty Klaus Meine-y and the guitars work pretty well.

* Steve Grimmett - it would go in the 3rd category but Grimmett knows how to wail on the mic like Coverdale did in the original. Plus the added relief of not having to view Tawny Kitean humping a Jaguar. (Though I didn't seem to have a problem with that when I first saw it. Hmm...)

* Lemmy & Duh Nuge - Lemmy sounds awesome the guitar could use a little more "oomph" though and the random electronic bits are unnecessary. Me thinks Lemmy could kill Ted with his bare hands.

* Voi Vod - They got the riff but Snake's vocals are REALLY awful and sound like a dying robot in the chorus. It's about 1/2 good. Their cover of "Witching Hour" on the "War & Pain" reissue however, kills!

The ugly & unbearable

* Kevin Dubrow - G n'R with some has been singer (kinda like G n'R now, eh?) singing over chopped up riffs and clunky "club" beats.

* Ted Nugent - Already covering an already shitty Aerosmith track. This is hopeless, just like Ted.

* Jack Russell & Dweezil Zappa - Ugh! Completely unrecognizable sounds like a mix of Vince Neil, C+C Music Factory and a video game with a hint of guitar wank.

* Jani Lane & The Mission UK - More electro-rock clutter with some "almost but not quite Robin Zander" vocals. If I didn't know who it was it might actually be Robin but I know he'd never stoop THIS low. For the love of Bun E. Carlos, make it stop!

* Joe Leste of Bang Tango - Making a perfectly decent Def Leppard (from their "yes, it's actually good" first album) song into pure generic hard rock.

* Dee Snider & Scott Ian - So this is what they do when they're not on VH-1. What the fuck is this? AC/DC with a techno beat breakdown? AC/DC is about guitars! 'nuff said.

* Tamie Downe - Seriously don't! There's far too much Zeppelin played on the radio and way too many cover songs. Cock rock with electronic beats? Yeesh.

* Steve Summers - Motley Crue with loud-hip hop beats? The vocals sound exactly like Vince Neil. Summers is from Pretty Boy Floyd? That CAN'T be a real band, right?

* Physical Attraction - Remixed by the band that did "Hey Man, Nice Shot". Horrendously fucking up an already perfect song. EBM beats with a nu-metal vibe. Sounds like every video game movie soundtrack ever made.

So, if you've ever had the need to hear what an already lame cover of Van Halen would sound like with a techno beat - then here's your chance. There's no note about who's actually in the mysterious band called Physical Attraction. Considering how awful they sound, it's probably best left unknown.

I safely (?) got the single disc version of the CD. There's a another version with a bonus live Bang Tango disc. Bang Tango? and live? Someone's selling it for $10 on eBay I wonder if there's a desperate soul with $18.99 who needs it right now.

No comments: