Things That Nyogthaeblisz could do at Chaos in Tejas aside from being annoyingly boring

As you may know noisy, shitty sounding Mentors rip off  satanic black metallers, Nygothaeblisz have been dropped off the bill from Chaos in Tejas fest. 


Were I in the booker's place wouldn't have these idiots on the bill in the first place and instead seek out some far better metal bands i.e. Slough Feg or these recent Canadian ragers, Sepulchre. Although...I would have them on if only they could meet the following stipulations: 


10. Must have at least 1 Weird Al cover in their set
9. Admit that Sammy Davis Jr.'s catalog is far more interesting 99.9%* of the bands on their label
8. Develop non-ironic, totally die-hard dedication thread on NWN! Forum to Boy George.
7. Explain what the fuck a Burzum is
6. Band plays their songs only with wooden spoons & kazoos while opening for Neil Hamburger.
5. Change band name to Mothra's Vagina
4. Perform musical version of the label info on Danzig's fave kitty litter brand. 
3. Band must perform at least one 3 Stooges routine to intro opening song (must be from the Curly-era). 
2. Band must perform in only the following colors: pink, chartreuse, and neon yellow. 
1. Band must admit their name is pronounced "Toto" after every song. 


( * = Sacrofago had a vinyl re-issue on their label, but otherwise...) 

NSBM bands just wanna rock with their (fascist) cocks out

Exhibit One: Satanic Warmaster – covering Motley Crue’s “Take Me To The Top”

Exhibit Two: Nokturnal Mortum – covering W.A.S.P.’s “Wild Child”

So, will this mean that Graveland will cover Keel’s “The Right To Rock”? Or will Absurd cover Dokken’s “Paris Is Burning” complete with flamin’ guitar solo? If so, this would be a minor improvement on a bunch of lame-ass controversial bands whose music never seems to rise above “novelty value”. Yeah, yeah, I know Nokturnal Mortum loves to get down with the fiddles with their quasi-black metal shit but it’s still not selling me. Their bullshit beliefs aside, these bands rarely know how to put the METAL in Black Metal. Or the ROCK in their Rock Against Vulgar Marxism (or whatever the fuck their other styles are is). I mean as good sounding as the sketchy bastards like Der Strumer or Sigrblot are there's also the "can't play an audible chord or know how to make a decent song to save their life of War88 along with the or the pure comedy of the Nokturnal Mortem related power metal cheese makers, Finist

Even Satanic Warmaster confused about what night looks like:

Sure they live in Finland and in the summer there’s nearly 24 hours of sun but where’s the thematic consistency? They also play with openly neo-Nazi bands like Absurd then deny they’re NSBM. Also, last year, someone I know from the Finnish Metal scene told me at this same Absurd/Satanic Warmaster show there was a ton of people sieg-heiling. Way to go, geniuses.

Elite and Empty Headed

V/A “Anti-Geldof Compilation” (Supernal)

I blogged about this one much earlier Although, it had to do more with the weird concept of “Weird” Al Kurtagic and Supernal Records. Now we’ll cover the music and expand upon the concepts and connections that some of these dodgy bands have. Strangely this release comes after the Accept tribute and the tribute to German National Socialist Black Mental ‘tards, Absurd. Oddly enough KFJC played this. Mostly because it was so “kvlt” or obscure? Who knows?

This sucker’s packed with 2 CDs worth of sounds that are:

"You will find 100% exclusive, never-heard-before tracks by twenty one Black Metal and Dark Ambient artists of proud European heritage from both sides of the Atlantic.” An interesting question appearing in the black-metal.co.uk forum asked about the "elite" nature of this release.

“How does he reconcile the simplistic musicianship of the majority of black metal bands with claims to its superiority as an underground musical artform?“
Necrosadistic via Necrosadistic Goat Torture (actually a pretty good band)

Even more of Kurtagic's strange pre-release babblings can be found here . Kurtagic has also reviewed his own releases on Metal-Archives, a tactic so low, that not even the worst “hard music” PR companies have even stooped to. It seems that Chumbawamba had addressed the issue in a more straight forward manner a mere year after the first Live Aid and likely got much more press from it.

OK, so...onto the music.

WINNERS: Uh, not many but THESYRE certain lays down some killer crusty BM, DARK AGES make nice "spooky organ music" featuring Roman of Drudkh,

MAYBE, COULD BE BETTER BUT... DER STURMER Make a good riff or 3, play with real drums but still can't get around their imperfect sounding German (ironic that). Would've been more impressed if their anti-John Lennon statement was an NSBM version of "Imagine" instead of merely sampling the song and following it with a gunshot. Something a shock jock did over 20 years ago. CONTRA IGNEM FATUUM - decent suicidal BM 'ala Xasthur. Not "martial sounding" as the Sound Project called it. BENIGHTED LEAMS - Kurtagic himself doing Godflesh-lite. Not bad. FOREFATHER - Cascading BM tremelo riffs by the Anglo-Saxon BM/kinda power metal band mix. File under: tried to like it. (Emphasis on "tried").


LOSERS:
EVERY band for participating in this waste of money and packaging. The cover artist, the label everyone who bought this and admired how "awesome" it is. If by awesome you mean pointless then yes. ASTROFEAS (Astrofeast? Astrofarts?) - lawn sprinkler drums + messy vocals. ASHES - "bedroom BM", miles of slow fuzzed out guitar coating a 10 minute sleeping pill. BEWITCHED (Chilé) “Spooky goth” vocals and wavering metalish guitars. Oh, so lame! DARKTHULE is a Greek one man, Black Metal recycling every Youtuber's "me playing Translyvanian Hunger" video. Nein! People like this should NEVER be given music equipment much less a German dictionary.


DEFIANCE is not the Bay Area thrash band or 2000s punk band. Instead, we it's some fat skinhead attempting to poop out a redwood forest of turds and some 2 fingered guitarist along with another pinging drum machine making er, "Bedroom Hatecore"? ETHERAL WOODS sound like "bedroom BM" with keyboards and a big, dopey chorus singing "Natural Selection". Hopefully “natural selection” will weed out these weak Sears catalog keyboard loving fools. They keys sounds about as “atmospheric” a Loverboy outtake. FANISK are Portland area dickwads armed with a grocery baggie of ultra thin tremolo riffs. The vocals shouted from different angles from under the kitchen sink. HAMMER - No, not as in "MC..." Whiny, outta breath vocals. In short a lame version of early 90’s emo mixed with crust punk AND generic ass BM tremelo picking. KENAZ - Sub-sub-sub-sub basement clang, clang, ADD level, zero production no talent CRAP. Kenaz is the rune for torch, someone should torch this band’s rehearsal space and all their recordings.

MORE LOSERS: STALAAG - Tortured cat & grandma noise dementia that some people love for some absurd reason. Fucked up-ness doesn’t = “cool” or even listenable. TANNGRISNIR Growl, growl, bore, bore, mangle riff, repeat 400x. THE WIZZARD - is straight up regular heavy metal? Starts good but oh, the vocals are dumb like every fucking band on every fucking TV report on “nazi hate rock”. ULFHETHNAR - More thin production and guitar levels and buried vocals. There couldbe drumming on here but it’s about as effective as a tambourine in a middle of monster truck race. The dude sounds like he’s about to choke. WHITE HUNTER - Slow grow, more tremolo riffs, ping & sputter cymbals that fade in and out. A poor attempt at the “claustrophobia” effect that Leviathan mastered. This vocalist sound utterly bored and uninterested. WOODS OF INFINITY - "Paedofilic metal"? with a slight but disjointed version of King Diamond en Svensk and slow BM riffs.

Worst Use. Of Vikings and Metal. Ever.

Forest are a bunch of jackbooted jackoffs from Novomoskovsk, Russia. Nothing like throwing in SS iconography with your piss poor concepts of vikings. That ain't floatin' my (dragon) boat, comrade. Their music is very half-assed, kinda raw 90's black metal with some vague "pagan" leanings.

Aquarius Records seems to dig 'em, though.

"Yet another disc of glorious blackened woodland buzz from AQ faves Forest gets the deluxe reissue treatment. A grim Russian horde, Forest captured our shriveled black hearts with their Burzum-meets-Jewelled Antler debut. As they progressed, the clattery forest ambience receded, and the black buzz took over, but on Foredooming The Hope For Eternity, there was still plenty of non-black weirdness to balance the blazing buzz."

Pfft. Whatevah dood that's not what I'm hearing.

Here's the band's retarded babble here:

Note: The Pagan Front are a bunch of Noxious Sucky Bonehead Metaldouches. I recommend NOT buying or supporting their loser bands.

Strangely enough that album cover reminds me of another piece of propaganda that the nazi used to indoctrinate the masses in Norway

Translation: "(with) Waffen-SS and The Norwegian legion against the mutual enemy: AGAINST BOLSHEVISM" The original of poster is in Oslo's Hjemmefrontmussett or Home Front Museum, the memorial to the victims of the 1940-45 Nazi occupation of Norway. Interestingly, Denmark who were also occupied by the Nazis in this time had a resistance group called "Vikings" which essentially said: "Piss off! That's OUR history - not YOURS!" All hail! Why is it these nazi viking fetishists never mention the real history? Do they not read anything beyond own "Aryanically Correct" bullshit? FACT: Vikings intermarried with Celts and very like with Inuits (read: NON-white people). Lest we forget all the Greeks, Slavs, Arabs and Jews they traded goods with?

My position on NSBM is, was and forever shall be: F.O.A.D.!