Thursday, February 2, 2012

Things That Nyogthaeblisz could do at Chaos in Tejas aside from being annoyingly boring

As you may know noisy, shitty sounding Mentors rip off  satanic black metallers, Nygothaeblisz have been dropped off the bill from Chaos in Tejas fest. 

Were I in the booker's place wouldn't have these idiots on the bill in the first place and instead seek out some far better metal bands i.e. Slough Feg or these recent Canadian ragers, Sepulchre. Although...I would have them on if only they could meet the following stipulations: 

10. Must have at least 1 Weird Al cover in their set
9. Admit that Sammy Davis Jr.'s catalog is far more interesting 99.9%* of the bands on their label
8. Develop non-ironic, totally die-hard dedication thread on NWN! Forum to Boy George.
7. Explain what the fuck a Burzum is
6. Band plays their songs only with wooden spoons & kazoos while opening for Neil Hamburger.
5. Change band name to Mothra's Vagina
4. Perform musical version of the label info on Danzig's fave kitty litter brand
3. Band must perform at least one 3 Stooges routine to intro opening song (must be from the Curly-era). 
2. Band must perform in only the following colors: pink, chartreuse, and neon yellow. 
1. Band must admit their name is pronounced "Toto" after every song. 

( * = Sacrofago had a vinyl re-issue on their label, but otherwise...) 

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