Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Best Of 2008

No order of preference, this was yet another very strong year for metal. In fact, there's a good 10-15 releases that I never got around to that I know are potentially worthy of this list. Same goes for the everything else section.

HEAVY STUFF - Metal/Punk/Hardcore
1. Darkthrone – Dark Thrones and Black Flags (Peaceville/Tyrant Syndicate)
2. Blood Ceremony – Blood Ceremony (Rise Above)
3. Hail Of Bullets - Of Frost And War (Metal Blade)
4. Soilent Green - Inevitable Collapse In The Presence Of Conviction (Metal Blade)
5. Superbad - East River Deathsquad 7” (Torture Garden Picture Co.)
6. Enslaved - Vertebrae (Nuclear Blast)
7. Misery Index - Traitors (Relapse)
8. World Burns To Death - The Graveyard Of Utopia (Prank)
9. Avskum – Uppror Underfrån (Prank)
10. Rudimentary Peni – No More Pain (Southern)
11. Unleashed - Hammer Battalion (SPV)
12. Unearthly Trance - Electrocution (Relapse)
13. Thou - Peasant (Autopsy Kitchen)
14. Made Out Of Babies - Ruiner, The (The End)
15. Jucifer - L'autrichienne (Relapse)
16. Disfear - Live The Storm (Relapse)
17. Gnaw Their Tongues - Dawn Breaks Open Like A Wound That Bleeds Afresh (Universal Tongue)
18. Bloody Panda – Pheromone (Level Plane)
19. Bloodbath- Fathomless Master, The (Peaceville)
20. Desaster - 666 - Satan's Soldiers Syndicate (Metal Blade)
21. Holy Moses - Agony Of Death (SPV)
22. Dismember - Dismember (Regain)
23. Agenda of Swine – Waves of Human Suffering (Relapse)
24. Skepticism - Alloy (Red Stream)
25. Toxic Holocaust – An Overdose of Death... (Relapse)
26. Nachtmystium – Assassins – Black Meddle Part I (Century Media)
27. Menace Ruine – Cult of Ruins (Alien8)
28. Arckanum - Antikosmos (Moribund)
29. Elk/Carrion - split (no label)
30. Koldbrann - Stigma: På kant med livet (Twilight)
31. Agalloch – The White (Vendulus)
32. Beercraft - Demo 2008 (self-released)
33. Motorhead - Motorizer (Spv Gmbh)
34. Urfaust - Drei Rituale Jenseits Des Kosmos (Debemur Morti Productions)

EVERYTHING ELSE - folk, prog, psych, etc
1. Sts9 - Peaceblaster (1332)
2. Firewater – The Golden Hour (Bloodshot)
3. Lights – Lights (Language of Stone)
4. Death In June – The Rule of Thirds (Nerus)
5. Legendary Pink Dots - (ROIR)
6. Airfix Kits – Airfix Kits (self-released)
7. Dungen – 4 (Kemado)
8. Elephant9 - Dodovoodoo (Rune Grammafon)
9. Glass Candy - Beat Box (Rough Trade)
10. Grouper - Dragging A Dead Deer Up A Hill (Type Records)
11. Guapo - Elixirs (Neurot)
12. Tommy Jay - Tommy Jay's Tall Tales Of Trauma (Columbus Discount)
13. Irata - Irata (Self-released)
14. Kim Ki O - En Az Iki, En Fazla Sekiz (Slusaj Najglasnije!)
15. Silver Summit - Silver Summit (Language of Stone)
16. Mudhoney - The Lucky Ones (Sub Pop)
17. Spectrum Meets Captain Memphis - Indian Giver ( Birdman Records)

1. Hellhammer – Demon Entrails 3xLP (Century Media)
2. Belong – 2006 Tour EP
3. Everything by Eric Malmberg (solo & with Sagor & Swing)
4. Helrunar - Baldr ok Iss (Lupus Lounge)
5. Defiance, Ohio - Share What Ya Got (Plan It-X)

1. Lichens/Om @ Brookdale Lodge January ‘08
2. Conspirarcy of Beards, etc. al @ Thee Parkside 2nd of February
3. Subhumans (UK)/Conquest for Death @ Slim’s – 4th March
4. Candlemass @ Slim’s 30th May
5. Needles/Yellow Eyes on WNL @ KZSU – June?
6. Deténe/Hirax/Attitude Adjustment @ Tidal Wave Metal Fest – McLaren Park 5th July
7. Laibach @ The Independent, 25th September
8. Embers/Saros/Nachtmystium/Wolves in the Throne Room @ DNA 12th October
9. Sir Richard Bishop - @ Aquarius Records 26th October
10. Ludicra/Asunder/Corrupted @ Slim’s – 31st October Metalween
11. Orb of Confusion/Beercraft @ Cedar St. Dome, Berkeley 21st December

1. Mourne (Boston)
2. Lights (Brooklyn)
3. Helrunar (Germany)
4. Kathaaria (Germany)
5. Elk (Oakland)
6. Beercraft (Oakland)
7. Orb of Confusion (Oakland)
8. G.A.T.E.S. (Japan)
9. Necrite (San Jose)
10. Abrupt (Oakland)

1. Metal, Music & Politics Conference in Austria 1st-5th of November
2. Making more friends in the metal/punk scene
3. Nagawika’s Metal Comics
4. Austrian Beer & Austrian & German Bretzels, Metal Mags und chocolates

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Separation of Church and Snacks!

I once bought some chips called Uncle Ray's Cool Ranch Chips completely randomly at Walgreen's. While they don't taste that great & were rather predictable they weren't horrible like the Frito-Lay (C)(R)(TM) products. The most baffling thing was the packaging. It like many things from the store, it had a "even though we're a mass produce consumer product, we're all about people" vibe to it. The package had a cartoon of Uncle Ray. Next to this was a summary of his dear departed uncle which was written by Ray's brother. Then the text took a strange U-turn: "My brother is now with our lord Jesus Christ" followed by a lengthy quote from Psalms 23:1-6, ugh. Btw, for you who had to Google that (myself included), it's the one that says "The Lord's my sheppard, i shall not want...I shall fear no evil." Blah, blah...I know it more from the Venom song "Welcome To Hell" but that's another story.

Snacks For Thee Sacred

Strangely, the very Christian Uncle Ray's even makes Kosher Dill Potato Chips. Kosher? Why not? Snacks for newly converted Jews during during the Rapture. Just like John McCain's preacher pal said. More kookiness here

Monday, December 29, 2008

Overthinking the "hipster metal" thing

craziness going in all sorts of weird directions.

I mean there's examples and there's WAY too obscure examples. All of which that make no point. And there's this gem:

"Which reminds me: Slayer. That was where I drew the line. Could never get into them."
Whuuut? I think Mr. Reynolds needs to get back to his Vampire Weekend album and fawning over whatever he's on about for the Wire these days.

Birth of the Beast: A Basic History of Heavy Metal – Chapter I: 1968-79

I wrote this for last Fall's KZSU program guide, so if you're not in the listening area of KZSU you probably didn't see this. Enjoy.

Before you ask - I’m nixing Led Zeppelin, AC/DC (both swell bands but they just got played on 500 different stations as I wrote this). Aerosmith also loses ‘cause this is KZSU not VH-1, alright?!? This period of ’68-’79, deals with some real grey areas. Where does the proto-metal come in the hard blues rock, prog or psych go out (or vice-versa)? Here’s some obvious choices and some of the not-so obvious.

1. Blue Cheer – Vincebus Eruptum – (Vertigo, 1968) These S.F. hippies, strangely gave way to some Heavy Metal (see St. Vitus), Heavy Psych (see High Rise) and even Grunge Rock (see Mudhoney)
2. Black Sabbath – Black Sabbath (Warner Bros, 13th February 1970) Dark, dread, doom and undeniably the truest, purest origin of HEAVY METAL - end of debate!
3. November - En Ny Tid Är Här (Sonet, 1970) Only a few months after Sabbath (or one can surmise). An amazing mix of Cream’s blues swagger, Tony Iommi’s guitar tone, big bass and wild drumming. All but one song in Swedish but these guys play the international language of badass.
4 & 4 1/2 Pentagram – First Daze Here Too (various recordings 1973-76, Relapse reissue, 2006) & Bedemon – Child Of Darkness (recordings from 1973-74, Black Widow reissue, 2004). There’s legendary and virtually unknown but Pentagram and Bedemon are both. First Pentagram – who paint in bits of Blue (Cheer) and Black (Sabbath) but definitely create something of their own. Both Pentagram and Bedemon made it even darker, managing to still crush on a limited recording budget. Bedemon features the stunning guitar/vocal work of Randy Palmer. (He joined Pentagram in 1974). Pentagram still exists today in some form or another and it’s can be seen in things like the label 20 Buck Spin, local tribute act Parallelogram and even Arnelli’s Pizza.
5. Deep Purple – In Rock (Warner Bros., 1970) Bombastic and very over the top heavy rawk legends that knew how to jam AND write really great songs. Plus, NO “Smoke on the Water”.
6. Nazereth – Razamanaz (A&M, 1973, Reissued 2007) While mostly a heavy blues rock album (lots o’ swagger n’ slide guitar) - the reissue has 4 bonus tracks were probably “too heavy” for ‘73. In a fair world, Guns N’ Roses would be only known for a dodgy ballad and Nazereth would be mega-huge. Vocalist Dan Caffery puts the “whiskey” in “whiskey soaked voice”.
7. Thin Lizzy – Jailbreak (Mercury, 1976) Granted it’s the one with the 3 big hits but also it has “Emerald” which is one massive riff and next to the Scorpions & ‘Priest (+ ‘Maiden a few years later) some of the earliest and greatest dual guitar harmonies.
8. Judas Priest – Sad Wings of Destiny (Gull, 1976) In a word: Intensity. This kicks off what we will hear a lot of in the 80’s: huge sound, extreme sharp guitars & screamin’ vocals (done the right way) and 100% energy.
9. Scorpions – Taken By Force (Mercury, 1977) Killer, pre-MTV Scorps with the deadly guitar duo of Rudolph Schenker and Uli Jon Roth. So many great songs that scream “heavy rock und fuggin’ roll”.
10. Motörhead – Motörhead (Chiswick, 1977) The first band loved by metalheads and punks. British, lawn killin’ speed freaks that were truly the first “extreme metal” band. Still continuing to outlast every lame trend.
11. Rainbow – Long Live Rock N’ Roll (Polydor, 1978) There’s something about pairing the guitar virtuoso Ritchie Blackmore (Deep Purple) and very commanding vocals of Ronnie James Dio (later of Black Sabbath/Heaven and Hell, Dio) that makes this work to near perfection on every song.
12. Heavy Load – Full Speed At High Level (Heavy Sounds, 1978) These Swedes got a jump start on the UK’s New Wave of British Heavy Metal by playing some galloping riffs (with only one guitar!?) with off-metered vocals. There’s even a near speed metal tune about Vikings!
13. UFO – Strangers In The Night (Chrysalis, 1979) Near perfect live album from that just screams “arena rock perfection”.

Honorable mentions:
High Tide – Sea Shanties (Liberty, 1969) Mostly good, very “jammy”, skating away on the thin lines connecting prog, hard psych and proto-metal.
Crazy World Of Arthur Brown – Crazy World Of Arthur Brown (Mercury, 1969) “I Am The God of Hellfire!” is the first thing you hear which makes it’s pretty shocking but not far off in the zeitgeist of Manson and Vietnam. Brown’s vocal histrionics that put him ahead of his time.
Sir Lord Baltimore – Kingdom Come (Polygram, 1970) Bombastic stuff from the UK, with a faster, looser and wilders than Zeppelin feeling.
Lucifer Was – Underground And Beyond – Very interesting Norwegian Tull/Sabbath-ish proto-uh…folk-metal rockers. (Record Heaven, 1971, reissued 1997)
Accept – Accept (Brain, 1979) Pretty solid debut for these soon to be highly influential but often unheralded German bangers.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Manowar's "Defender" Smurf style

You haven't heard it all've heard Manowar's "Defender" on on 45

First there's the intro by Orson Wells then then vocals kick in. Dare I say it's better than Rush & Zeppelin on 45? Thanks to Erich at GoodBad Music for uploading this.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

"The crowning conclusion: group picture with a coffee cup"

Last Week's "Music, Metal and Politics" conference in the fantastic city of Salzburg, Austria:

Left to right: Daniel (Danmark), Me, Marcus & Mikael (Finland), Elizabeth (Florida, USA).

Mere en sie artikler/more in this article. For fotos click the little spot that says "mehr" underneath the photo of the guy in the Morbid Angel t-shirt. All via München's Radio One

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Full Metal Conference Report (abstract)

My full report(s) on last week's "Music Metal and Politics" will be posted here soon. As you may know the conference took place in the amazing, historic and fairly progressive city of Salzburg, Austria. I'm waiting to get my photos back (yeah I'm still doing them the old way) and will be linking and also posting a few of those here. I think my presentation on "Extreme Politics and Extreme Metal" was generally well-received. Although I ideally wanted to do the "Jay-Z method" of practicing it 18 times.

Regardless, my almost complete Fenriz impression went over as well. (See the video interview from "A Blaze in the Northern Sky"). Made lots of new friends & contacts, have lots of new writing projects to look forward to. I learned that I'm (semi) functional in 3 languages even while drinking big ass Austrian beers.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Rather good metal podcast

Podcasts in general can be dicey in terms of quality. Sometimes you just have people making annoying, pointless inside jokes and talking about absolutely nothing. However, the two guys behind, Requiem Metal Podcast have a lot of good insights into the music and a good variety of bands and albums featured. They've covered Swedish DM, Morbid Angel, Immortal, Blind Guardian and Keelhaul so far. It's worth your time. So, listen to 'em.


Metal Music and Politics Paper (Revised)

As mentioned earlier I'm going to be presenting a paper at the first annual Metal, Music and Politics Conference in Salzburg, Austria. Here's the paper. I'll also soon be posting the handouts (once I can figure out how to put all those pages online)

Let me know what you think.


Sunday, October 5, 2008

Our bands might look "funny" but at least they don't suck as bad as this...

So Bathory and Deicide look a bit "off" but seriously, how many people do you know that have been listening these bunch eyeware ad modelling fools aka: Mates of State ? Are there people that collect everything they own? Do they have a dedicated fanbase around the world and people that even do cover songs of these indie turds? Are they ever gonna do a live album that people can recite from beginning to end. I think not!

Oh, but some say that "metal all sounds the same". I've heard these attitude from people who don't even have a clue how long I've been listening to indie rock. Full disclosure: at least since 1988. It could be argued that up until "indie rock" required an overt professionalism (re: glossy promo photos, massive press kits, massive pre-album hype), it actually had an identity and wasn't riddled with half-assed melodies and annoying vocalists and lifeless song structures. Like prog-rock at the end of the 70's, it's become an illusion of it's former self.

Why are so many bands ruined by MTV?

Last night on KZSU, I played a live version of Krokus' "Headhunter" . While Krokus' output has often been up and down - OK, mostly on the downside for me, they still have a number of killer songs. 1983's "Headhunter" was certainly great for the time it was out. I was friggin' 13 and was impressed by how fast and in my pre-Metallica/pre-Slayer awareness, how intense it sounded! Bands like Krokus like the Scorpions and to a lesser extent Motley Crue and Twisted Sister are more known for the polished crap they did on MTV where as all of these bands in 1983 where considered Heavy Metal. I mean, I wasn't like the older heshers in other towns who not only saw Metallica and Exodus in the clubs but knew them !

"Sex and drugs and rock n' roll is my cuppah teeeeeeeee - time to meeeet Heeeeadhuntahhhhhhh!" And dood, listen to those sweet double leads. Fernando Van Arb was really on to something. Anyway, this one's kinda short. I've been racking by brain today by writing about Extreme Metal and Extreme Politics for the "Music, Metal, and Politics" conference.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Foothill v. Amador: Tied For Most Wack MCs

This is what happens when you search for your alma mater on YouTube:

This has so many kinds of wrong, it makes this video from last assgrab season is almost tolerable. I meant to say, rod throttling season oh, er...OK, how 'bout football season?

So, if the lame wasn't cranked up enough...we have now the video that the Foothillic-- (Ack! Fuck it, I CAN'T even think of writing it much less SAYING it) kids were mocking via our crosstown "rival", Amador High. If there ever was such a thing was Ultra-Wack Ass this would be it:

Yo, yo...D-Unit all up in that Main St. shhizznat. From the downtown av P-Town? Whu-whu...? they ain't rollin' inta the drive thru dairy or grabbing some gay pizza?

Back around '84, I was actually friends with a dude that was into hip-hop before nearly everyone else in town. He was white but actually went to see 2 Live Crew in '87 at some club in Oakland when the vast majority of the kids at school were scare shitless to even step foot in that city (minus the "Dead shows" at the Coliseum). Fred even owned a super early 2 Live t-shirt with a cartoon duck DJ saying Trow That D" on it. Fred G. was DOWN before you were born! Anyway, these videos just reek of every horrid stereotype that now nouveaux-rich kid town represents. Then whadda expect from kids that think Limp Bizkit is "old school"?

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Metal History III: This Saturday on KZSU

This Saturday Midnight-3am (as in when Friday ends) I'm conjuring up another lesson in audio violence covering 1980's thrash crossover, early waves of Black & Death Metal and few odd & ends leftover from last session

The list of potential stuff to play is massive like everytime time I put together one of these specials. But I certainly want to at least get into Crossover since that was an important part of metal and punk despite some people on both sides of that equation hating it. Also, early Death Metal and Black Metal will definitely be in the mix. So, check it on your radio (90.1FM) and online

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Extreme Music and Extreme Politics

Below is my abstract for the upcoming International "Heavy Fundamentalism" conference. Yes, I said "International". It's an amazing conference put on by the folks at Critical Issues. It's taking place in Salzburg, Austria. This will be only the second time I've been to Europe, so it will be doubly exciting. I first stumbled upon on this via Terrorizer magazine writer and Judaic scholar (yes, he's both), Keith Khan Harris' fascinating MetalJew blog. I will be expanding this to a full 8 page, Oxford-formatted paper and will also be doing a 20 minute presentation. So, this will be more of an "intellectual" version of hanging out with my friends at a Ludicra show or Amoeba.

Title: Extreme Politics and Extreme Metal: Strange Bedfellows or Fellow Travelers?

Body of abstract:

Extreme Metal’s relation extreme politics provides for a variety of examples. From Slayer’s “Angel of Death” in the 1980’s to the Norwegian Black Metal scene in the 1990’s to the current strain of National Socialist Black Metal – extreme politics have played a role in extreme metal either aesthetically or ideologically. Such combinations are nothing new in the music world. Richard Wagner’s denouncement of Jews is widely known. Performances of his works are still very controversial in Israel. Furthermore, one can look at the 1970’s punk movement in England and its use of using Nazi imagery for shock value. Additionally, racist lyrics have in the past cropped up in hip-hop artists such as Public Enemy and Ice Cube. Heavy Metal’s own relation with such extreme attitudes has a history that has been around almost as long the genre itself.

The purpose of this paper is to examine the growth of both extreme metal and its relation to extreme politics. Extreme Metal can be defined as Thrash Metal (i.e. early Metallica, Kreator), Grindcore (Napalm Death, Pig Destroyer), Death Metal (Morbid Angel, Nile) and black metal (Darkthrone, Burzum). Extreme politics can be defined as both ultra–right (i.e. fascist and Nazi) and on some instances ultra-left wing (communist, anarchist). This will also look into whether or not certain artists are using extreme politics for mere shock or to actually endorse dangerous ideas. Furthermore, this will explore how these ideas have spread worldwide throughout the metal scene. This will also focus on the marketing of each phenomenon across the Internet. While generally considered “outsider” music, there have been numerous media stories, books, documentaries and even art exhibits on Extreme Metal. Such a sensation could explain why Varg Vikernes’ image appearing in a window of a t-shirt shop in such unexpected places such as Berkeley, California. In summary, this will touch on how and why music from the margins of society can be affected by politics from margins of society.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Fake Right Wing Beard vs. Fake Left Wing Beard

Despite their obvious disagreements the left and right had the same design concept here.



Thursday, August 7, 2008

Elite and Empty Headed

V/A “Anti-Geldof Compilation” (Supernal)

I blogged about this one much earlier Although, it had to do more with the weird concept of “Weird” Al Kurtagic and Supernal Records. Now we’ll cover the music and expand upon the concepts and connections that some of these dodgy bands have. Strangely this release comes after the Accept tribute and the tribute to German National Socialist Black Mental ‘tards, Absurd. Oddly enough KFJC played this. Mostly because it was so “kvlt” or obscure? Who knows?

This sucker’s packed with 2 CDs worth of sounds that are:

"You will find 100% exclusive, never-heard-before tracks by twenty one Black Metal and Dark Ambient artists of proud European heritage from both sides of the Atlantic.” An interesting question appearing in the forum asked about the "elite" nature of this release.

“How does he reconcile the simplistic musicianship of the majority of black metal bands with claims to its superiority as an underground musical artform?“
Necrosadistic via Necrosadistic Goat Torture (actually a pretty good band)

Even more of Kurtagic's strange pre-release babblings can be found here . Kurtagic has also reviewed his own releases on Metal-Archives, a tactic so low, that not even the worst “hard music” PR companies have even stooped to. It seems that Chumbawamba had addressed the issue in a more straight forward manner a mere year after the first Live Aid and likely got much more press from it.

OK, so...onto the music.

WINNERS: Uh, not many but THESYRE certain lays down some killer crusty BM, DARK AGES make nice "spooky organ music" featuring Roman of Drudkh,

MAYBE, COULD BE BETTER BUT... DER STURMER Make a good riff or 3, play with real drums but still can't get around their imperfect sounding German (ironic that). Would've been more impressed if their anti-John Lennon statement was an NSBM version of "Imagine" instead of merely sampling the song and following it with a gunshot. Something a shock jock did over 20 years ago. CONTRA IGNEM FATUUM - decent suicidal BM 'ala Xasthur. Not "martial sounding" as the Sound Project called it. BENIGHTED LEAMS - Kurtagic himself doing Godflesh-lite. Not bad. FOREFATHER - Cascading BM tremelo riffs by the Anglo-Saxon BM/kinda power metal band mix. File under: tried to like it. (Emphasis on "tried").

EVERY band for participating in this waste of money and packaging. The cover artist, the label everyone who bought this and admired how "awesome" it is. If by awesome you mean pointless then yes. ASTROFEAS (Astrofeast? Astrofarts?) - lawn sprinkler drums + messy vocals. ASHES - "bedroom BM", miles of slow fuzzed out guitar coating a 10 minute sleeping pill. BEWITCHED (Chilé) “Spooky goth” vocals and wavering metalish guitars. Oh, so lame! DARKTHULE is a Greek one man, Black Metal recycling every Youtuber's "me playing Translyvanian Hunger" video. Nein! People like this should NEVER be given music equipment much less a German dictionary.

DEFIANCE is not the Bay Area thrash band or 2000s punk band. Instead, we it's some fat skinhead attempting to poop out a redwood forest of turds and some 2 fingered guitarist along with another pinging drum machine making er, "Bedroom Hatecore"? ETHERAL WOODS sound like "bedroom BM" with keyboards and a big, dopey chorus singing "Natural Selection". Hopefully “natural selection” will weed out these weak Sears catalog keyboard loving fools. They keys sounds about as “atmospheric” a Loverboy outtake. FANISK are Portland area dickwads armed with a grocery baggie of ultra thin tremolo riffs. The vocals shouted from different angles from under the kitchen sink. HAMMER - No, not as in "MC..." Whiny, outta breath vocals. In short a lame version of early 90’s emo mixed with crust punk AND generic ass BM tremelo picking. KENAZ - Sub-sub-sub-sub basement clang, clang, ADD level, zero production no talent CRAP. Kenaz is the rune for torch, someone should torch this band’s rehearsal space and all their recordings.

MORE LOSERS: STALAAG - Tortured cat & grandma noise dementia that some people love for some absurd reason. Fucked up-ness doesn’t = “cool” or even listenable. TANNGRISNIR Growl, growl, bore, bore, mangle riff, repeat 400x. THE WIZZARD - is straight up regular heavy metal? Starts good but oh, the vocals are dumb like every fucking band on every fucking TV report on “nazi hate rock”. ULFHETHNAR - More thin production and guitar levels and buried vocals. There couldbe drumming on here but it’s about as effective as a tambourine in a middle of monster truck race. The dude sounds like he’s about to choke. WHITE HUNTER - Slow grow, more tremolo riffs, ping & sputter cymbals that fade in and out. A poor attempt at the “claustrophobia” effect that Leviathan mastered. This vocalist sound utterly bored and uninterested. WOODS OF INFINITY - "Paedofilic metal"? with a slight but disjointed version of King Diamond en Svensk and slow BM riffs.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Metalspoitation Part 3: "Devil Worship Will Continue After These Messages"

Maximum Rock N' Roll's movie columnist in the early 90's, Jerod Pore came up with the term "Punxsploitation". OK, maybe he didn't coin it but it was the first time I had heard of it. In his column he discussed the mainstream media's take on punk rock and hardcore ranging from the most infamous Quincy episode to lesser known examples from the likes of Morton Downey Jr. interviewing (among others) Joey Ramone among others. Before Ice Cube and 2 Live Crew sent shivers through white suburbia, Punk and Metal were public enemy #1.

This is from 1988. Clearly the "satanic" and "demonic metal" phenomenon had to be confronted by the one, the only...Geraldo.

Even though King Diamond was pretty much a unknown name outside the metal scene, here he got some coverage. Which as an 18 year old I thought was pretty fuggin' rad. "To some it's just rock n' roll rebellion" Totally, dewd! Last King Diamond show I saw in 2003 he wished us in the crowd "Happy Halloween" AND "Merry Christmas". Yes, he is an actual, praying satanist but he knows how to show 'ya a good to time, too.

Typical of this early version of "tabloid TV", Geraldo interviews murderers who follow someone called "satan"and cops who believe the "satanic threat" as real.

These horror movie like descriptions are less to do with "satanism" and more to do with some seriously damaged individuals both the criminals and the media who salivate over big ratings. I'd love to see a list of major crimes done "in the name of satan" vs. "in the name of god". I suspect the G-man is gonna beat 'Ol Scratch by a 10:1 ratio. Finally, how come there's something called "Satanic Ritual Abuse" but not "Christian Propaganda Abuse?" or "Islamic Doctrine Abuse"?

Sunday, June 29, 2008

METALSPLOITATION! - Part 2 - Svesnka Svart Metal

Sometimes when you randomly search for "satan" on YouTube you get this:

Part I:

File under worst pick up lines of all time:
"Did you know the drummer from Marduk spat blood on me once ?"

och parte II:

METALSPLOITATION! - Part 1 - cheesy movies, cheesy soundtracks

Alright! It's time to celebrate the genius of goofy genres glomed together as "Metalspoiltation". Here's a few that are on the soundtrack side:

A z-grade Spanish-Swiss "revenge" actioner from the golden age of exploitation films 1966-82. Known in Spain as Los Violadores and banned in Australia for uh..."excessive Krokus content"? It's basically about a guy taking revenge against some nazi biker gang with the occasionally rape scene. Kickboxers vs. nazi biker gang - who wins? Who cares. Dude, it has fuckin' early 80's Krokus on the soundtrack!

Also in the cinema du discount is this non-sensical gem from Umberto Lenzi. Lenzi is most known for the ultra sick and mostly unwatchable cannibal flick "Make Them Die Slowly" aka: Cannibal Ferox. Lenzi also expanded into other genres like this mix of oh, teen sex comedy, random horror, prison drama, Jaws and yes, more biker gangs. It's a little pill called "Nightmare Beach" aka "Welcome to Spring Break"

But really who IS this collection hard rockin' cheese balls on this soundtrack?
Why it's all American cheeseballs like Bobby Rondinelli (who worked with Black Sabbath, Blue Öyster Cult, Rainbow and Quiet Riot - all in their 'lean years') and Derek St. Holmes (from Really Terrible Ted Nugent's band). song by song breakdown, even.

Christ-spolitation or Rated "R" for "Rapture"?

Why does their "Satan" have a ripped up muscle shirt and looks like Paul Lynde?

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Ladies & Gentlemen put your hands together for Norway's funnyman, Fenriz!

I wasn't too sure about Darkthrone and 2nd wave Black Metal when I first delved into it (circa: 1995-98). At first I couldn't get my head around all those cascading, raw riffs. It sounded "too raw". Oddly enough it was the same thing I said about Bathory - whose music I grew to appreciate much more in the late 90's. The first Darkthrone I heard was on a Moonfog Records comp. "Crusade From The North". Once again the words "too raw" came to my mind.

Also, their putting "Norsk Arisk Black Metal (Norwegian Aryan Black Metal)" and some anti-Jewish statement on back of Trasilvanian Hunger
& working with the avowed racist Varg Vikernes didn't help much. Then in the inside of next album, "Panzerfaust" all that made things a little more clear: "Darkthrone is certainly not a Nazi band nor a political band, those of you who still might think so, you can lick Mother Mary's asshole in eternity." Eternity? Anyway, This shows at least their own the same blasphemous, anti-religious path that Black Metal is built upon. (That plus grim vocals & loads of great riffs!)

Flash forward a few years, and Fenriz & co are dropping Seinfeld & South Park references and making mention of artists as varied as M83, Gal Costa, Monika Kruse, Tangerine Dream to World Burns To Death (whose vocalist, Jack Control, Fenriz is friends with). Fenriz despite being in a world renounded Black Metal band still works at the post office sorting mail and most likely sending mix tapes & CD-Rs to his friends when the boss isn't looking. "He who dies with the most music wins" sez Herr Nagel.

Here is Fenriz in top form:

I can tell you background music in the first part is the 70's pomp rock band, Angel. Tho' I'd LOVE to know what t-shirt Fenriz is wearing.

Next up is a really cool feature from Norway's Channel 2 (only about 4-5 channels on regular TV and yet one's got Darkthrone, koolig!")

Finally, this clip is from the re-issue of Darkthrone's Black Metal debut, "A Blaze In The Northern Sky". It feature Fenriz and his partner in crime, Nocturno Culto. Shot in simple black & white in their jam space/cabin, it has the look of a Bergman movie. That is a Bergman movie filmed in the shadow of the horns.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

We Play eBay Black Metal Exclusively!

I wonder who the ultra-collector nerds that are going to pay for this shit

A ton of historical artifacts of the Norwegian and Swedish Black Metal scene being sold by Morgan Hakonsson of Marduk:

"amongst other things i will be listing.


What? No skull fragments? That's not KVLT! I'd demand my money back.

Music and Politics – Morrissey Rides A Controversial Horse

Former singer of the Smiths and British music tabloid fodder, Morrissey is in a "row" again. The wry yet fey frontman has again been accused of racism based around a late 2007 interview he gave with NME.

In the interview Morrissey says: "Britain's a terribly negative place. And it hammers people down and it pulls you back and it prevents you. Also, with the issue of immigration, it's very difficult because although I don't have anything against people from other countries, the higher the influx into England the more the British identity disappears." What complicates the matter is the way Morrissey presents his opinion it's not "England is dying because of immigration full stop." It's more to do with the critique of the general British character? While he doesn't explain what means by "a disappearing British identity", Morrissey makes it pretty clear when looking at the full context of his statement linked here from the Manchester Evening News

"The change in England is so rapid compared to the change in any other country. "If you walk through Knightsbridge on any bland day of the week you won't hear an English accent. You'll hear every accent under the sun apart from the British accent."

Morrissey admitted he enjoyed `the freedom to go around the world ... so you have to allow others the same freedom' adding `so I'm not sitting here saying it's a terrible thing, I'm saying it's a reality and to many people it's shocking'.

In a follow-up phone interview, Morrissey told the magazine: "I just think that it could be construed that the reason I wouldn't wish to live in England is the immigration explosion.

"And that's not true at all. I am actually extremely worldly and there are other reasons why I would find England very difficult, such as the expense and the pressure."

He said: "My favourite actor is an Israeli, Lior Ashkenazi, and my favourite singer was born in Iraq and now lives in Egypt. So I'm not a part of Little Britain. And by that, I don't mean the show, obviously."

Asked about his parents moving to Britain, he said: "It's different now. Because the gates are flooded. And anybody can have access to England and join in. Millions of people leave the country every year because they don't recognise the place, so I'm not saying anything unusual. If you travelled to Croatia tomorrow for instance, and walked around Zagreb hearing nothing but Dublin accents, you'd find it shocking."

Furthermore, Morrissey, called racism "silly" and "beyond reason", in the same article."The Mozzer's" reputation has been damage to the point of taking legal action. He's also wrote a response in the Guardian which expresses his "adoration of James Baldwin, (my) love of Middle Eastern tunings" and much more.

There's also a variety of past ambiguous, yet controversial situations in Morrissey's history in the last two decades. Namely, the lyrics to "Bengali in Platforms". Although, based on the title, is more of a nice, poppy, glam rocker from Pakistan circa: 1973 than a racist screed. The other controversial title being "National Front Disco" which again, works with the construct of the unknown or absurd. In Europe disco is for a "place to dance" whereas in America it typically refers to Saturday Night Fever or flashy, sleazy guys in Angel Flight pants and coke spoon necklaces. It's hard to imagine Nick Griffin doing the hustle to Donna Summer.

Additionally, these Morrisey = racist accusations come from a 1993 Johnny Rogan penned biography, which claimed he once, in his late teens, wrote "I don't hate Pakistanis, but I dislike them immensely". However, NO substantial source is provided.

Additionally, in 1992 Morrissey's went on stage draped in a Union Jack for his performance at the first Madstock! Madness reunion concert at Finsbury Park, London, Plus, his backdrop for this show was a photograph of two female skinheads. The NME responded to this by investigating Morrissey's attitudes to race, claiming he had "left himself in a position where accusations that he's toying with far-right/fascist imagery, and even of racism itself, can no longer just be laughed off with a knowing quip". (New Musical Express, 22 August 1992)

Morrissey's wearing of the British flag to be no more "racist" than The Who & Def Leppard's popularization of Union Jack t-shirts or Stewart Home's use of skinhead imagery in his books. This lies more in the tradition of "taking the piss" out controversial aesthetics rather than endorsing the ideas of nationalism and racism. This type of tradition goes a least back to Monty Python if not further. It might be more useful for NME to investigate the British Blood and Honor organization's expansion into over 30 countries. Granted these are not big name pop stars. However, they are the real thing-they REALLY are racists who REALLY believe in violence & hate towards "those people". Apparently ambiguous pop stars sell more papers than nazi boneheads in Serbia or Sweden.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Nicholas Kristof neo-liberal hack or fascist apologist?

In going through some old articles, I found one from the New York Times from December 15, 2004. The timing of this isn't so much important as the concept is. In the opinion piece written by Nicholas Kristof . Kristof seems to be a Clintoniod neo-liberal. That is he's pro-human rights in the most obvious places Darfur, China, the Turkish denial of Armenian genocide, etc. Although he's come out in favor of sweatshops. The sweatshops are apparently why South Korea and Taiwan who accepted sweatshops as the price of development- are countries with low rates of infant mortality and high levels of education, while India- which generally has resisted sweatshops - suffers from a high rate of infant mortality (3.1 million Indian children under the age of 5 die every year, mostly from diseases of poverty.) Why not give them a livable wages and make them work a little less. That chunky guy in Amarillo can wait another few months before he gets his size XXXXL Dallas Cowboys jersey, can't he? Oh, that's right it would "destroy competition".

Anyway, the op-ed piece is called "Bullying by Russia haunting neighbors". After listing a litany of spot-on critiques of Vladimir Putin's "poisonous politics" tactics he says:

"In effect, Putin has steered Russian from a dictatorship of the left to a dictatorship of the right (Chinese leaders have done much of te same thing). Mussolini, Franco, Pinochet, (former North Korean dictator) Park Chung Hee and Putin all emerged in socieites suffering from economic and political chaos. All consolidated power in part because they established power order and made the trains - or planes - run on time. That's why Putin stull has 70 percent approval ratings in Russian: He has done well economically, presiding over growth rates of 5 to 10 percent...Russians say, by a margin of 70 to 21 that a strong leader can solve their problems better than a democratic form of government."

The Chinese are ruled by a reactionary hypercaptialist government with a few faux-state socialist flourishes just to make to make everyone feel "safe". I'm not sure which "wing" they belong to but regardless it's a corrupt government with a shitload of money. The "strong leader" idea seems to be part true and part conventional wisdom when it comes to Russia. The next part of Kristof's piece is the WTF part:

"Still, a fascist Russia is much better thing than a Communist Russia. Communism was a failed economic system while Franco's Spain, Pinochet's Chile and the other generated solid economic growth, a middle class and international contacts - ultimately laying the groundwork for democracy. Eventually we'll see pro-democracy demonstrations in Moscow like those in Kiev." (Referring to Ukraine's "Orange Revolution" of 2004).

So, what kind of country does Russia have if their only choices are Communism or Fascism? This is what they were dealing with in WWII. I don't think anyone with a real strive toward real freedom would want to be that limited. On the other hand there are people that still miss Stalin. According to the London Times:

"A recent poll by the All Russian Public Opinion Research Centre found that 50 per cent of respondents thought Stalin’s role in history was positive".

Oddly enough there are pro-democracy demonstrations in Russia. or at least a variety of groups who want to express their democratic rights to free expression. Then again these demos are usually led by the batshit crazy National Bolsheviks aka: The Worst Extremes of the left and right. Not exactly a "great day for democracy" when these lunatics are representing it.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

The news as written by death metal bands

Weird Headlines

Same day, same paper, and even on the same page.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Professing Metal to The Masses (or 5 dudes from Stanford)


Wagner Lamounier ex-guitarist/vocalist of Sepultura & Sarcófago during the 1980s. Currently a professor of economic science at Universidade Federal de Minas Gerais in Belo Horizonte, Brazil.

A few weeks ago I did a radio special on KZSU which was a sort of "audio history lesson" on Heavy Metal. I was really suprised at a few things. Namely, the guys were really into virtually every song I played from Crazy World Of Arthur Brown in 1968 to Metal Church in 1984. A few things I've noticed in doing these sort of "History" specials:

- Cut things off at 1984. It grows exponentially insane at this point. 1984-86 the initial impact of Thrash, Speed, Black and Death Metal begin though all used interchangeably.
- Big, bloated bands like AC/DC, KISS, Led Zeppelin don't need to even need to be mentioned much less played.
- Blue Oyster Cult isn't Heavy Metal and only occasionally Hard Rock. The 1970's definition of Heavy Metal hasn't held up since 1979. I mean Foreigner, Journey and Bad Co. aren't Metal what so ever. (Not unlike people thinking AC/DC or Elvis Costello were "punk" around the same time). They have a few moments here & there but up against Black Sabbath, Judas Priest or Thin Lizzy fuggit about it!

Some interesting things my students brought up:

Q: Would people have called UFO "Metal" in 1979? A: Hard to say, the term was around then but it was a bit hazy. See above on the 70's definition of Heavy Metal. Yet there was a burgeoning (albeit virtually unknown in the U.S.) New Wave of British Heavy Metal in the UK. The music media in the U.S. was all about disco or anti-disco rockers like Ted Nugent.

Q: Thin Lizzy's singer was a black guy? A: Yes. Black & Irish in fact.

- Sabbath/Priest/Maiden = Son, Father & Holy Ghost (not sure on the order tho')
- They loooove to headbang in the Outer A studio to 'Priest, Motorhead & the like.
- Two of my students said despite the dark themes it's very jubilant and melodic (or at least the '68-'84 era).
- Where does double bass drumming come in? I answered that it was from Motorhead (and forgot to mention things like the faster or complex 'Priest/'Maiden songs ex: "Rapid Fire" and "Rime of the Ancient Mariner") and hardcore punk like Discharge which had an impact on Metallica, Anthrax and Bathory.
- Another student wanted to heard Metal Church and was gave me a dead on description of David Wayne's "screaming banshee" vocals.
- Motorhead's "Overkill" has 3 false endings if not more on the "No Sleep 'Til Hammersmith" version.

See "the kids" aren't just into that sideways haircut, faux-indie bullshit. There IS hope for the least these 5.


"Wagner" in his "Satanic Lust" days.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

The Zen of Metal

I don't know too much about Zen but I know it deals with a state of "to be" and not worrying about petty shit and crazy expectations. So, with that, I have a very Zen-like Metalic last 24 hours.

Last night at KZSU, I'm intro by the previous DJ as being "KZSU's resident Heavy Metal King". While I played about 15% metal and the rest punk/hardcore and then Einstrüzende Neubauten and some moody number by Slim Cessna's Autoclub. HERE's playlist from list night's show. Following me was long-time DJ Big Chief. Chief started with Michael Schenker Group's "Armed & Ready" arguably one of the best ever early 80's hard rockin' metal tracks. The rest of his show reads like one of my high school mixtapes:

Iron Maiden - Rime Of The Ancient Mariner ("The albatross falls from his neck!")
Judas Priest - Victim of Changes ("You've beeen foool-in' ar-rrround with guy..." Fill homoerotic reference here)
Rainbow - "Man on the Silver Mountain" (from "On Stage") I heard this a zillion times at my Dio (and later Grateful Dead) worshippin' friend Darren's place.
Queensryche - "The Lady Wore Black"
Metal Church - "Beyond The Black" ("Will WE make it back...?")
Exodus - "Deleiver Us To Evil"
Slayer Hell Awaits - And I STILL can't sing all the words without a lyric sheet. ("Angels still dying by the the sword...!")
Megadeth - "Good Morning/Black Friday" ("Paint the Devil on the wall!")
Saxon - Crusader ("The battle, the battle lies far to the Eeeast!")
Angel Witch - Witch Witch ("Burrrrn the whiiiite wiiiitch!")

If that weren't enough today was record & book sellin' day in Berkeley. First stop was Moe's Books where I picked up a copy of "Vegan With A Venegance" by the awesome Isa Chandra Moskowitz Naturally, I couldn't stop from putting the title of the book to the 'Priest song "Screaming For Venegance". Then it was on to Amoeba where after a lil Stevie Wonder - someone threw on the Probot album.

Granted, I only half liked this album but the spirit of it was apt. My name was called to pick up my trade amount right when Lemmy's song came on. Lemmy & $75 in Amoeba trade = awesome!
Following that and food at Smart Alex plus an ill-fated trip to Comic Relief (I forgot they moved, waay duuumb!) I trudged up to Rasputin's and sure enough first song I hear: 'Priest's "Victim of Changes". And not just that song but the ENTIRE "Sad Wings of Destiny" album followed by "Highway Star" by Deep Purple. Fuck Yesss! One of the employees said to her co-worker "I'm glad we're not listening to that 'I'm so saad' music ("like emo")- we're listening to something that really rocks and has power'. I said 'oh yeah, this is some of the most kick ass stuff ever made'. She giggled a little but she agreed & actually was really feeling the power of thee 'Priest and Purple. I swear I'll never get sick of that freakin' solo in "Highway Star". When I was checking out one of the cashiers was tryiing to sing "I love her, I need her!" from "Highway Star".

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Are You Damned In Hell?

"Satan Sitting...And He's Smiling" - Black Sabbath
"Satan Watches All Of Us, Smiles As Some Do His Bidding" - Slayer
"Now, Hail Satan! Yes, Hail Satan" - Mercyful Fate
"Satan Records Our Best Note" - Venom

While teaching/hosting KZSU's recent Metal S'Heshin (A History of Heavy Metal - 1968-85) one of my students asked me if I believed in Satan. My answer was "no" but I had also said that it's interesting yet highly outdated concept. What I forgot to mention is why I've come to that specific conclusion. On one hand, a guy with a pitchfork, horns on his his head and a tail isn't very threatening. (Well, maybe if he's 40 feet tall but let's keep things in perspective). However, living in a concentration camp sure as hell is. Having your relatives blow up by terrorists is. Having your kids taken away from you and drafted into a senseless war sure is. Living under a dictator is.
All these examples are pure hell.

More to the topic of this blog, I've seen far too many album covers, seen too many horror movies, read too many "satan-o-spoiltation" books and seen too many "satanic panic" topics on talk shows to ever believe in an all-encompassing "evil one". Having said that, my teen years were much different mindset. I experimented with the idea of Christianity. That is, I read the Bible or at least all of the references I found from my albums: Revelations in particular because it's so focused on the apocalypse and living "in the shadow of atomic fea-ah" (as Discharge would say) it made sense. Plus, I read bits of Exodus (still not as good reading as "Bonded By Blood"), Genesis (which still makes NO sense to me) and some random Proverbs. I went to church with my mom a few sporatic times. This was a pretty inclusive, liberal Presbyterian church in Pleasanton. They were pretty harmless. Boring but mostly harmless. My friend at the time, Danny on the other hand was a born again Christian. Who's like every other Born Again I would know, was a major hypocrite. In fact Danny was just like a certain Alferd E. Newman lookalike we all know and loathe There's an entire write up in the old print version of "Stoner Wall" but the snapshot is:

- Born Again Christian and Grandson of an Arkansas preacher
- Told me multiple times that I was "going to hell" for not knowing things in the Bible. I mean, not just saying it but threatingly saying it. That warped my 7 year old mind and pissed off my parents (who instantly hated him).
- His sister was friends with my high school's only real "mod" (and one of at least 4 not yet out of the closet gay guys)
- Had odd ideas about "devil rock" Rush, Blue Oyster Cult, Van Halen were OK but NOT: Iron Maiden, Ozzy/Black Sabbath, Dio, Slayer, et. al.
- Said he was never, ever gonna take drugs yet I got high plenty of times with him in '86 and the last time at the Metallica/Ozzy show @ The Cow Palace (June, 1986)
- His house had a big 'ol bloody Jesus nailed to a crucifix in the hallway - so obvious that they put it in the line of the door. So anytime they opened the door - it's "Hey you non-believing asshole - look what your sins did to me! It's ALL your fault! Now worship me you sorry bastard!"
- I later drove around Foothill Road (creepy, narrow road near our High School that went out into Sunol and more serene environs) with him, my friend Steve & Darren whilst listening to King Diamond while he was egged on by Steve in wanting to experience the urban legend of the "the white witch of Niles (Canyon), dood!"
- During his senior year in high school he came back from a weekend of "taking sooo much acid at the 'Dead show".
- While he hated "queers" and "niggers" yet seemed OK about his sister listening to Culture Club and also he his favorite athlete was Tony Dorsett and his favorite comedians were Bill Cosby and Eddie Murphy. Yep, just like that scene in "Do The Right Thing".
- He later told me that he thought "backwards masking was bullshit". So, for a short time there was a glimmer of hope albeit one still stained by his hypocritical gay bashing & racism.

My friend Chad was a counter-balance to Danny. He actually had a copy of "The Satanic Bible" AND "The Necromonicon" yet he believed in neither that or not much of Christianity either. He just had a facination with the occult and "the underworld". Since I wasn't much of a 'joiner' to these things I was certainly open to reading about it. "The Satanic Bible" was a bit of a hoot, I later understood LaVey's cyncism a bit better in college. Amusing but silly at times. The Necromoicon was something else. Albeit fantasy, myth or (if you believe the "Evil Dead") real? it was something evil yet beyond mere "satan" and "god". This was about the Ancient Ones and some bizarre life forces from thousands of years ago with crazy names like Yug-Soggoth. Sounds more evil that Lucifer.

Sometime in the spring of '85 I found a 4" crucifix in my backyard. I have no idea where it came from but I promptly hammered it up-upside down that is above my door. Admittedly it creeped me out and so the upside down position stayed for only 6 days. Hence my belief then in god, Jesus AND Satan seemed to all balance things out. So I flipped it to the "normal" position of toes downside Jesus. The Gideons (yes they actually exist) gave out Bibles at my school and I read more of Genesis and some stuff about Noah and the flood. (more impossibilities). The orange pocket bible had some intro page with an American flag on it. Which in my initial punk/"fuck the government" years I drew flames over then immediately ripped apart. I don't regret that decision.

In later years (1996 to be exact) I carried on a great tradition started by my Uncle. I was staying at a hotel in Austin, TX and found a Bible. In the first blank page I wrote "Best Wishes, The Authors" and also threw in "P.S. - It's all made up!" I think David Cross had it dead on when he said that the Bible was the funniest book ever written. Since really there is so many improbabilities such as the "loving god" hating Sodomities yet letting Lot procreate with his daughters?!? I suppose I don't need to list the litany of hypocrisy's of that book as there's plenty out there doing it for me.

Getting back to Satan, it wasn't only music that drew me to checking out the darkside. Comic books like Eerie, Creepy and even Ghost Rider warped my young mind. Around 1984, I took a road trip to Santa Cruz with my mom & her then boyfriend, Bob. One of the main stops was the Bookshop Santa Cruz. This was back when it had that real "homey" feel to it: wood panelling, windows that hadn't been washed in months, the occasional cobweb (or 5) and the bookstore cat. (Always a good sign). I looked through the sci-fi and horror section for a bit until a book popped out at me. It was Piers Anthony's "Faith of Tarot" which was part 3 of his "Tarot Sequence". Something about a Reverend named Brother Paul. I flipped through a few pages until I got to the vivid descriptions of hell. The sentence "shit in the mouth of God!" was in there somewhere and based on that and uh...this:

I knew I HAD to have this book. My mom didn't balk at it (always one to encourage reading, he-he!). Now I just eat satan er...seitan instead of being spooked by him.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Transilvanian Hunger wasn't about processed chicken parts

Who do I blame for this?

Admittedly it's sort of funny but soooo many kinds of wrong. It's even worse than the "Black Metal fashion" event they had last year in France.

I haven’t had KFC since 1995. The only things I really liked about them as a kid was:
1) It was a lot of food and would last a long time
2) If my mom got a big bucket of it, I would use the bucket for some indoor b-ball action. Then I would throw on the radio playing Van Halen or Uriah Heep’s “On The Rebound” and get all Larry Bird sinking (and missing) 3's and trying to dunk like Darryl Dawkins.
Although, their mashed potatoes and gravy always tasted like someone had ashed out their cigarettes in it. How sick and grim.

I know some of you might say the genre of Black Metal itself might be to blame for this overwrought and "silly" imagery. While, there still are plenty of "war paint/corpse painted" bands around (ever search Metal Archives?) but really this kind of stuff was an old joke in Norway over 10 years ago and the 'net at least 6 years ago. Even Metalocalypse's has practically run this kind of humor into the ground. Sorry, but I've been joking about metal since 1984 but I also LISTEN to it. Big difference. Grrr...I've been listening to Darkthrone all night, so this might've had an effect on this entry.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Not As Cool As Ghoul

I'm not big on fashion but THIS is getting redgoddamndickolous!

io9 blog reports on the bizarre Mad Max-ish post-apocalyptic zombie designs by John Galliano at Paris' glamoparty thing - "Ready To Wear". A commentator on i09's entry nailed it by deeming these beyond the grave inspirations as "Ready To Gwar" fashion. Granted these looks do have a bit of Balsac and a hint of Slymenstra Hymen Although, the undead model in the first image goes even further than that. He's a leather-headed member of Ghoul, for gore's sake!

"Clad in shirts of mesh and with mascara on their eyes
We saw a keyboard player and we knew they had to die."
- Ghoul, "Forbidden Crypts"

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

When Joey met Lemmy

Two legends of rock and fuckin' roll together having fun and pissing off Dave Kendall & his overlords at MTV. Lemmy gets a very short description of "crossover" probably the only time that was ever mentioned on their airwaves. This is from about 1988 or '89. I saw a lot of the Ramones on MTV circa: '89 on the News and on 120 Minutes. Y'know back when Empty Vee played something called MUSIC?

"Oh that wuz pathET-eek!
I SAID this sONgz fa Joey and Dee Dee Ra-mooone!"

-- Lemmy, Shoreline Ampitheatre, Mountain View August, 2003.